


Everything Stays (But It Still Changes)

by blue_wind_gets_so_sad



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: "everything stays" by rebecca sugar, Angst, Electrocution, Gen, Homophobia, Panic Attack Mention, Post-Squip, Songfic, Suicide mention, abuse mention, burn mention, death mention, i got inspired and couldn't resist, injury mention, jake and michael are only mentioned, nudity mention, rich's brother is also mentioned, short fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-10 18:00:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20855924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_wind_gets_so_sad/pseuds/blue_wind_gets_so_sad
Summary: Chloe, Rich, and Jeremy reflect on what has changed without them after the SQUIP.





	Everything Stays (But It Still Changes)

**Author's Note:**

> ✦  
let's go in the garden  
you'll find something waiting  
right there where you left it lying upside down  
when you finally find it, you'll see how it's faded  
the underside is lighter when you turn it around  
✦

Chloe Valentine peered down at the photo album in her hand. She had been staring at one specific photo for a while. There were three girls in the photo. The one on the left had bright blonde hair shaped into a pixie cut that was standing straight up due to static electricity. She had pizza sauce smeared all around her mouth, but she smiled at the other two girls without a care in the world. The girl on the right had dark, wavy hair that went down to her mid-back. She smiled at the girl in the middle as the girl opened a present from her. The one in the middle was dark-skinned and had natural, frizzy hair that was flattened on top due to the presence of a large tiara. Her face was frozen in utter shock and her eyes glistened with tears of joy. In front of her sat a packaged doll customized to look identical to her.

The picture became blurry, then cleared up as tears fell off of Chloe’s cheekbones and hit the plastic covering of the page. She remembered how much Brooke loved her short hair. She also remembered when Brooke’s bright smile started to disappear and when she stopped getting her hair cut when they all started to change in high school. She remembered how much Jenna loved that doll. She treasured it and just knowing that made Chloe the happiest girl alive. She vividly remembered that night. It was at their local pizza joint and it was Jenna’s ninth birthday party. Brooke bought her the tiara. Jenna sent them both home after the party with large goodie bags filled with all sorts of nick-knacks and treats, as well as one of the larger bottles of bubble solution. She remembered how the three of them met back up the next day and did nothing but blow bubbles until the bottles were empty.

Chloe blew out a shaky exhale and wiped the tears from her eyes. She quickly pulled her phone out and texted Brooke to tell her to- no, to _ask_ her if she wanted to hang out. After receiving a quick “yes” as a response, she went back to her contacts list. Her thumb hovered over Jenna’s number. She breathed out again and tapped on the number. It rang for a few seconds, then the line clicked.

“...Chloe? Is something wrong?”

“...No. Why?”

“Because you never call me. Not that I don’t mind, it’s just...I’m always the one who calls you.”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Would you, uh...do you want to hang out or something?”

“Me?”

“Yeah. You, me, and Brooke. Just like...like we used to.”

“I, uh...yeah, sure. Why not? Pinkberry?”

“I was actually thinking about that old pizza parlor. You know, the one we had your birthday party at that year?”

“That place shut down years ago.”

“Oh. Well...you pick.”

“Me? O-Okay...well, there’s a burger joint I’ve been wanting to go to. Took over the building the pizza place was in after they lost business.”

“Sounds good. Brooke just got here. We’ll pick you up in a few?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, see you in a few minutes, Jen.”

Chloe heard a soft, almost inaudible gasp on the other end of the line.

“Y-Yeah. See you...Chlo.”

  


* * *

Rich Goranski was standing naked in front of his tall standing mirror. It was shattered in a few places where his father had thrown things, or him, into it, but he could still see himself clearly. That was the issue. He quickly noticed that he was slouching and he could feel the ghost of a shock travel up his spine. He stood upright before closing his eyes and sighing. When he reopened them, he began to analyze his body. His burns had turned into deep scars. His red streak had faded into a light pink. His freckles remained uncovered. His black fingernail polish had been washed away.

The burns were new. He tried his hardest to get that stupid robot out of his head, but no one had what he needed and he saw no other way out. He sometimes wondered if all of the SQUIPs would’ve shut down if his had been destroyed in that fire...along with him. Another phantom shock. He shook himself off.

The streak in his hair was new as well. His SQUIP had told him that he was boring. Bland. Told him it would help him stand out. He didn’t mind the streak, but he really needed to redye it. Maybe blue, or purple. Nothing that would resemble red or fade into red. It would remind him too much of the SQUIP.

The freckles had been with him his entire life. There wasn’t an inch of his body that wasn’t covered with freckles. He never hated his freckles, but he didn’t like them either. They were just things that were there. His SQUIP told him that they made him ugly and undesirable. He did everything possible to cover them. He started out with long-sleeved shirts and pants, but that ended on a particularly hot day, a dizzy spell, and a trip to the hospital with his older brother and Jake. He eventually invested in makeup meant to hide tattoos. His SQUIP wasn’t too keen on the idea of him wearing makeup, but it figured that makeup had to be better than freckles.

He always had the desire to paint his fingernails. He didn’t know why. It was just something he always wanted to do. He wanted something pretty. Something to match his eyes, or to match the season. He wanted fake jewels and stripes, or little flowers and polka dots. Chipped black fingernail polish isn’t _exactly_ what he had in mind, but what can you do when a mind robot is dictating your every move? It told him that people would think he was gay. He said that that was a very stereotypical and homophobic thought, but the SQUIP gave him a quick jolt and reminded him that he needed to think like that if he wanted to survive high school.

If he looked hard enough, he could still see the scraggly boy he was during freshman year. He could see his dark, uncovered freckles, his shaggy hair, his thick glasses, and his braces. He was the textbook definition of a stereotypical “nerd.” He could see his improper posture and the way his mouth moved when he lisped. He could feel the sting of a hand striking the side of his face.

Rich looked down at his reddened palm. He really did it. He hit himself. He was just...so used to it. He quickly grabbed it with his other hand and held it down on his chest. Tears pinched his bottom eyelids and immediately spilled out over his cheeks. His face scrunched up and he fell to his knees, still cradling his hands in his chest. He glanced at his curled up form in the mirror. He truly was a pitiful, pitiful child.

  


* * *

  


After the SQUIP-cident, everything returned to normal. At least, that’s what Jeremy thought. He and Michael became friends again, but he was also still friends with the popular kids. Jeremy could tell that Michael wasn’t exactly comfortable around them, but he was trying. The two of them had gotten into more arguments than they ever had before the SQUIP. They argued about Jeremy’s feelings. They argued about Michael’s feelings. They argued about the others. They argued about why Jeremy took the SQUIP in the first place. They argued.

Michael changed a lot. Jeremy didn’t understand at first how a person could change so much in such little time, but he grew to understand. He knew he treated Michael poorly. He knew Michael couldn’t trust him like he used to. He knew that it hurt Michael when he treated him like everyone else did. He just didn’t know the extent.

He didn’t know that Michael needed stitches after the incident at Jake’s party. He didn’t know that Michael had his worst panic attack to date after Jeremy left him. He didn’t know that Michael threw his head against the tile wall of Jake’s bathroom trying to beat the negative thoughts out of his head. He didn’t know that if Jake didn’t beat the door down, Michael might’ve died in the fire. He didn’t know.

And he hated himself for it. He truly did. If his SQUIP were still around, it would tell him to be proud. It would tell him to be glad that the burden of having Michael around was gone. And Jeremy was scared of the possibility that he might have agreed.

He knew that Michael forgave him, but he also knew that Michael wouldn’t get over the pain for a while. He was just like that. No matter how much he pretended not to care or how much he acted like he was okay, Jeremy knew that he was hurting. He also knew that their friendship wouldn’t ever be as strong as it used to be...but he had to try.

“Hey, Mike? Want to hang out? Apocalypse of the Damned? See you in a few minutes.”


End file.
